Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Hitmen Are Expensive

Kinda want somebody whacked?  

Why not start a fundraising campaign?

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There are so many help this person causes, why not more help ME get rid of THIS person causes?  Don’t think you should decide who lives or dies? Let a jury of their peers do it … Simply start a Facebook page.  Name it: FansOfWhackingJohnDoe

Perhaps an obscene amount of likes will prompt him to fly straight. Regardless, it should entice contributors into believing they are supporting a good popular cause.  Plus, the (hopefully actual ninja) assassin will have an unreal amount of silent bragging rights. That’s solid resume building.  All you have to do is create a PayPal account and you can accept micro donations worldwide (a reliable hitman/hacker should be able to overcome a paper trail with honor).  Create a blog for your stunning sob story and solicit comments from slighted friends and family.  Link it to your Facebook page and announce quarterly earnings (Zuck would be proud).  Send ominous unsolicited offers for life insurance to ‘the target’ in the meantime.  

Solidify your own alibi, thereby nullifying yourself of guilt, by commenting below on the topic title: “Why I Would Never Actually Knowingly Encourage The Whacking Of Anyone No Matter How Strongly I Joke About It Online.”  Just make your mark. X.

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